Sunday, June 30, 2013

Hidradenitis 3- Less Ugly than Before

If you haven't read Hidradenitis 1 &2, please do. Otherwise you'll be totally lost.

So another month and a bit of the new antibiotic has gone by. Another month and a half at least to go.

Vast improvement. Like fantastic. No open wounds at all. No swelling, no infection.

I've been slacking on using the topical ointments like I should. It's easy to forget now that it's so much better.

I'll always have the nasty scarring at this point. This will come back again. But I look back on the years (and I do mean years) of suffering and pain and infection and discomfort and wonder again. Why the hell did I wait so long to get treatment?

For right now, I'm taking my pills like I should. I'll start using the topicals again like I should. I did quit smoking(6 weeks now). The doc said hidradenitis is more prevalent in smokers than non and did suggest quitting. My sinuses are thrilled with me quitting. Only 2 sudafed since I stopped. Yay!

Keeping up the fight. I want to be healthy. I deserve to be healthy. So I have to make the choices to do it.

Wish me luck.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Ex Talk

So my ex called me last night. After midnight and we all know what that means. Amongst other things we chatted about, he asked me a question.

"You know me. How do I treat women?"he asked.
"Holy crap, man. You realize who you're asking, right?" I replied.
"Yeah, I know we have history but you know what I mean." he said.
"Well, you've been a complete asshole at times. Treated me like crap." I said matter-of-factly.
Dumbfounded silence.
"Wow. Really? I feel like crap now." he said.
"What? You want me to lie to you? Not all the time but you definitely had your moments." I replied.
"No, but..... I... I gotta go." he said hurriedly diving out of the emotional wreckage.
"Goodnight." I said a little sadly.

I think it'll be a little bit before he tries to call me again.

Now for the sad part. I feel bad for making him feel bad. I didn't lie. He asked me the question, I didn't volunteer. It's a little sad that I still want to protect him from pain. It's a lot sad that he didn't realize until that second that he treated me badly.

He won't apologize. The boy doesn't do that. I've been so ridiculously easy on him. It must've been like the family dog suddenly turning around and biting you.

The other sad thing is that we were finally beginning to be able to just talk as friends again. Now that I've shown my teeth, we may not be able too.

I can say it's his loss and that would be true but it wouldn't be the whole truth. The truth is it's my loss too. I like him. He's incapable of commitment (at least to me), he's fond of the bottle, and he says some of the stupidest nonsense I've ever heard, but he also is loyal to his friends, always ready with a joke, and has held me when I cried.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Change isn't that scary

                18 days and not even a drag off a friend's smoke. I hereby pronounce myself a non-smoker. So this change went so well, I've decided to make some more.
  I've already accomplished one other thing without even trying. No soda or any caffeinated beverage past 2 pm. I'm trying not to drink my calories. Also caffeine is hitting me like a brick nowadays.

          I want to be more active. Kickball, swimming, and taking walks will become a regular part of my life. I love playing basketball, volleyball, tennis and such. I enjoy it. So why aren't I doing it? My friends are great people but they aren't the most active. So I'm trying to get others I know to hang out and play and it's time to meet some new people.
        Meeting new people. This is the slightly scary one. I joined a dating website for the first time ever. It's weird. I'm not desperate and it just feels like a desperate thing to do. I know, I know. A lot of my friends meet people online all the time. I don't judge them. They're showing courage by actively looking for what they want. The problem is this. I can't judge how I'll get along with someone until I actually meet them. My gut can't tell who's an ok guy from a picture and a paragraph. It's only been a couple of days on the site so we'll see how it goes.

        I want to be more politically active. Why shouldn't I be standing up for what I believe in? I went to a March Against Monsanto where I knew no one and I had a good time. I've voted Libertarian since I could vote and I may want to get involved in local politics in some capacity. I'm NOT going to run for office but I'd like to help promote the Libertarian agenda.

       Medically, I've been keeping up with my doctor's appointments and taking medications like I should. I need to get back to the dentist for a cleaning. I also need to make and keep an appointment with a chiropractor and get my neck fixed.

        Call it an early mid life crisis. I am the only one who can change my life. So why shouldn't I? If I want adventure and excitement and new and unusual, it's not coming to see me in my living room. I have to go meet it.

Wish me luck.