Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Fat Girl

Yeah. I said it. I'm a fat girl. I'm not thick or curvy or voluptous or big boned or chubby. I'm overweight, fat, obese. Technically, I am morbidly obese.

Morbidly obese is the fat that'll bring on the complications that will kill you. Diabetes, heart disease, fatty liver, and countless others.

I've been overweight most of my life. Even when I was in high school my hips had me in a size 12. I'd have been happy to stay there but food is so tasty and I have a lack of willpower when I want something.

Funnily enough, I don't think of myself as fat girl often. I have decent self esteem. (Now at least.) and people like me as I am. I enjoy activities. I like going for a hike or swimming or playing kickball. It's fun!

I've always been pretty ok with how I look. I'm never going to win any beauty contests but I'd never enter a beauty contest in the first place.

I wanted to put this all out there first because I really want it understood that I mean it. I am good with who I am and how I look.

I am about to go on a diet/excercise plan. Doing things the right way. Why? Because of my health.

Both parents are diabetic now. I do NOT like needles. The idea of having to give myself insulin injections makes me cringe. If I don't get my eating habits and activity levels under control and get myself healthy now, I never will.

I am 36 years old. Time is against me. My creaky joints are against me. The damage I've already done to my body is against me.

But do you know what's for me?

My pigheaded stubborn bitchy self. My friends who will back me up and tell me "Do you really want to eat that?" My future self who will be thanking me for giving her a chance to live with less daily pain, less health problems, less emotional issues. My doctor (who I will find soon) who will give me a plan to stick to.

I signed up at a website called SparkPeople.com It has a lot of simple goal checklists and meal plans and exercise plans to choose from and support groups.

I will do this.

Now the scary bit. I weighed myself today. I'm within 1 lb of the heaviest I've ever been. I believe I can drop the weight safely and get myself down to just above where I'm technically supposed to be in a year. One year = One hundred lbs lighter.

You read that right. 100 lbs in 1 year.

No drugs, no hcg, no 500 calorie a day diet. I'm aiming for 2-3 lbs a week. And that is achievable.

Day 1: February 18th 2014. 246 lbs. Goal 146. 100 lbs to go.

If you see me screwing up, smack the taco out of my hand.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Drug free ..... for now

As a disclaimer for the nosy, I'm not talking about illegal drugs. For everyone who cares to read on....

My health sucks. Old people say as long as you have your health, nothing else matters. They are right.

I have a skin condtion called Hidradenitis Suppurativa. (See previous blogs for details) I've suffered with it for years and years but only got diagnosed March 2013. I've been on antibiotics since. Everyday a pill and two different creams. Special body washes. Changing up the antibiotics when I had a severe reaction. Changing topicals when my insurance decided it wasn't going to cover it anymore. Yeast infections and digestive problems that come with long term antibiotics.

Antibiotics for 11 months straight. Then I said NO.

No more pills everyday when I still end up with flare ups now and then. No more doctor's appointments that cost me $60 bucks each and meds that set me back $40. No more sun sensitivity side effects. No more.

I am NOT, I repeat, NOT saying this is a good idea. I'm saying I'm going to  be stubborn and obstinate and pigheaded and get my immune system to take care of it's damn self again.

I'd also recently suffered from my winter depression. (Seasonal Affective Disorder. See previous blogs) I've been on antidepressants for 3 months. My mood is super fantastic lately and the sun is back so I'm also going off those as well. As of today.

This morning was the first time I hadn't taken any medicine in a year.

A YEAR! An entire year of my life.

I'm fed up with meds. They work. I don't deny that at all. I just want to live my life without side effects again.  I want to see if my body can get used to just being chemical free again.