It can't get in the car!

So I was driving down roads aimlessly getting totally lost with my friend Jess in the car.

 Not that one the other Jess. No the other one. I know a lot of Jessicas.

We ended up on this dirt road and the trees kept getting bigger and bigger on each side of the road. There were no lights except my headlights. No houses anywhere in sight. The branches of the trees began to weave together above us blotting out the moonlight entirely.

Suddenly a dog starting barking loudly. It sounded like it was coming from directly outside the car.
I started screaming but couldn't drive any faster because of the visibility.

Jess starts screaming over me.

"It can't get in the car! It can't get in the car!" She kept repeating it until I started laughing at the ridiculousness of it.

Did I ever tell you that I'm so happy my friends know me so well?

She got me from freaked out paranoia to laughing at myself in four sentences.

Thank God for true friendship.

FML

FML stands for Fuck My Life. It's becoming more and more popular. It's also dangerous thinking. We should not be training ourselves to think about every little thing that's gone wrong anytime one little thing has gone wrong. It's popularity isn't all that surprising given that kids do adore superlatives. Everything is epic or a total fail. What's disturbing to me is the amount of adults picking up the phrase.

Words Have Power. Anything we say has the right to be used against us in a court of law.Angry words bring on more anger. Soft words soothe. Words educate us about the world and tell us a lot about who's saying them.

So when I hear someone say "I got a flat tire. FML." It annoys me immensely. In the scheme of things, a flat tire is a minor inconvenience. So now I must assume the person complaining is just a whiner. Or someone who just doesn't think before they speak. Or is terribly mechanically inept. Or is already depressed and the tire is a last straw.

When you use the phrase "Fuck My Life" it's giving in to all the negative. It's probably the most negative thing you can say. So when you say it, you are saying your life is worthless and nothing goes right and noone is there for you. Well I regret to inform you, you keep up that attitude and that's what you should expect. People are attracted to positive things. People like fun and smiling. People get frustrated and upset with others who are consistently negative.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK.
If you keep thinking FML, your life won't get better. Another little thing, life will never get better on it's own. Work for it. If you aren't willing to make the effort, someone else will be.

So suck it up and count your blessings and do SOMETHING about the stuff you care about. You can change the world but not by just bitching about it.

What I'm Supposed to Do

Today I was supposed to go to a funeral.
I was supposed to be there for my friend who lost her husband.
I was supposed to be able to help.
I was supposed to be strong enough to do it.
I was supposed to suck it up and get it done.
I was supposed to forge on.
I was supposed to be ok.

Who's saying I was supposed to?
Me. That's the problem. I can't get away from that judgemental bitch.

My reasons for not doing what I was supposed to do:
I didn't know the man other than meeting him twice briefly.
I think funerals are for those who loved the deceased to gather together and bond in their grief.
I get sick to my stomach thinking of going to another funeral.
I'm bad with death. This would just add to the weight I already carry.
I just don't have it in me to force myself to go right now.

What my conscience is saying:
Excuses, excuses, excuses.
You should've sucked it up and gone.
You're a shitty friend.
People can't count on you anymore.
You need to get over the death thing and just do it.
You've just proven that when the chips are down, you won't be there.
You're just a selfish bitch who can't be there for other people.
You just lost a friend over this.(I can hear my mother's voice in this one.)
Go hide away from death and pain, little girl.


Words from the superego:
Knock it off with that kind of thinking.
You know you're your own worst enemy.
Relax. You are allowed to be flawed and human.

I'm supposed to be better than I am.