Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Hope and Loss

I keep writing and erasining. An acquaintance of mine, we only met a handful of times, took her own life. I have another person in my life who is struggling badly and is standing on the edge too.

As someone who has been through depression, I know the helpless despair. I've had those thoughts that I was worth nothing and life would be better without me in it. How can you bear the pain so long? What keeps you going?

 I just want to scream to the world that it will get better. It will get easier. Second by second, hour by hour, you CAN fight this. You can change your circumstances, change your ways. It won't always be this way.

It's a tragedy. A damn shame. It makes me mad and angry and helpless all at once.

Despair shouldn't win. Giving up isn't the answer.

THERE IS HELP. There ARE people who care.

But I've been on that edge. I've held that knife in my hand. I've struggled trying to keep my head above the self loathing and the hatred and the unbearable sadness.

I kept going. I got through the hell in my head. It took time and patience and perserverance.

It hurts my soul that sometimes people can't.

I lost a friend I never had the chance to get to know.

I'm trying not to let the worry for my other friend take over. I'm so scared for her. It's a hard journey coming back up into the light. It's a battle. But she had the courage and strength left in her to ask for the help she needs. She is strong and smart and brave.

My heart is breaking for them both.

Hope and faith and two of the most precious gifts we have. We have to nourish them.

Please pray for the friends and family Dawn Kramer has left behind. Please pray that my other friend will keep her hope alive. Please pray for her family and friends and the doctors as they try to help her cope.

And if you ever feel like giving up please call me or a friend or a hotline. Please ask for help. We are all in this crazy messed up world together. Please don't let the darkness win.

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