Monday, February 27, 2012

Waiting for the shoe to drop

Whenever things go well in my life I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Being vaguely nervous about something you can't do anything about is foolish.

So... I'm a fool.

Work is going well. I'm finally trusting a guy with a piece of my heart again. And my friends are great people.

And here I am not enjoying it fully because I'm waiting for it all to fall apart.

I just need to relax and enjoy and take it as it comes. For right now, my squeeze is surprising me every day by showing me he cares in different ways. I'm grateful for it.

I always do this to myself. Someone loves me and wants to be with me and I start searching out why he's all wrong for me. Yes, he could be doing better for himself but right now he's really making an effort. I don't care about material wealth. As long as I can get by and not be struggling, I'm content. I just hate wasted potential. He has a good heart and a crazy sense of humor. And he's trying. Small changes and bigger ones and he's not retreating from it yet.

If somebody wants to be with me, that doesn't mean something's wrong with them. It means they're smart enough to notice all the awesomeness I provide.

I deserve this and even if it doesn't last, I won't be able to say I didn't give it a fair shot.

Sorry boys. I'm off the market. 

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