Saturday, February 18, 2012

You'd be such a good mom

 Society says no. If you want to stay out of jail or the nuthouse or both, you must follow the rules. But what if the rules don't make sense? How often should we shrug our shoulders and carry on while other people decide what is best for us?

We grow up being told how to sleep, eat, work, and even what our dreams should be. 

I'm a girl. I can't go topless on a sweltering day. I can't discuss what happens with my body once a month. I must wear certain clothes. I should be able to cook and clean and make someone a good wife someday. 

And the one that annoys me beyond reason, I should be a mother. Just because I was born with a vagina, doesn't mean I have to push a kid out of it. Whenever I tell someone I don't want kids, they say things like  "Oh. You don't like kids?" I patiently explain that I love kids. I am 'Auntie' to at last count 10 different kids none of which are actually blood. I love them all. At that point I get asked "Can you not have kids?" As far as I know the answer to that is yes. I've never been pregnant yet and have no plans to become pregnant. Then I get told "You'll change your mind once you meet the right guy." That's when I get pissed.

I don't want kids  for a few reasons. The first being, I don't feel the need. I am complete in who I am. I don't have that drive to feel needed and be a caregiver. I hate poopy diapers. I don't want to walk around with spitup on my shoulder and no sleep. Another reason is the commitment. My idea of being a good parent means a lifetime of sacrifice and worry. I don't want it. I want to be able to travel and go out with my friends on the weekend. A third reason is intolerance. I love kids but mine would be trained from the start that No is not a option. If I were to have a child, I'd be on them about manners and respect like white on rice. A fourth is the pain. I've seen the videos of women giving birth. I have friends with kids. I've heard the horror stories. A woman who has not given birth does not ever need to know about mucus plugs let alone episiotomy.  

Now what if I get pregnant? I have strong beliefs on that. I'll have a baby. Whether or not that child's best chance would be with me is a decision I would have nine months to wrestle with. That would depend on the input from the father, my financial stability, and a lot of soul searching. If I decide I'm not up to the task, then an open adoption would be my first choice. Since I'm now in my thirties and never been pregnant yet, I'm not terribly worried about suddenly conceiving. I practice safe sex and always have. I try to be careful with my body in that regard.

I've had people tell me I'm lying when I say no kids for me. I've heard "But you'd be such a good mom!" more times than I can count. 

There is nothing wrong with me because I don't want kids. I am not going to suddenly change my mind just because others want me to. I'm not inherently selfish for not wanting them. It's not just because I haven't meant the right one. It's not that I'm scared of responsibility. I just don't want them.

If you want a kid, go have one. My womb is not available.


  1. There is no excuse in this day and age to have kids you don't want. And no reason, either! Plenty of us have kids you can visit when you get the urge.
    I say good for you for knowing what you want(and don't want)!

  2. You *would* be a good mom. But it's okay that you don't and don't want to have kids.